Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Red Wine Blogging

Normally I don't drink and blog for two reasons: 1) I pontificate even more than I do when I'm sober, and 2) I am generally appalled when I read it back the next morning.

Tonight I'll make an excpection. espection. exception.

It's been a rough few months. My husband has gone through an involuntary job change (including a switch to nights), my oldest daughter has been having some problems, and I've hit the 40 mile marker and am feeling every inch of it. Needless to say, I haven't felt much like talking.

Fortunately, things seem to be looking up for Kirsten. She's moving to Madison (this weekend) to establish residency before starting school up there. She'll be living with 3 other girls (students) in a 2 bedroom apartment right off of capital square. I know I should probably be less enthusiastic about this since it's not exactly the plan I had laid out but in my gut I'm pretty excited for her. For one thing, Madison is a great city and the square is a great neighborhood. I lived in Madison for six weeks during one of my old-enough-to-know-better fuck up periods (don't ask) and loved it. It's far enough to get away and close enough to come home. For another thing, nothing builds confidence and capability like independence. Plus the school is great. If she can focus herself forward I think she'll do really well up there.

When I was young I was always either wildly underestimating my abilities or wildly overestimating them. In other words, I had bad judgment... which in turn led to some pretty bad choices. I've tried to give my kids the benefit of this experience but they're not terribly interested in having it. In the end I know they'll have to learn like I did... the hard way. It's not an easy process to watch and, almost as bad, it's forcing me to relive my own life in review. And while I'm kicking myself for things I did in the past, I can't help but have a sinking feeling that I'm still making bad choices. I guess this whole "learning the hard way" thing is a lifetime deal.

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